Much Ado About Nothing
by DeadonMonday
Summary: Theodora Moore, also known as Teddy, Ted and Ted the Tranny is not off to a good start. It's her sixth year at Hogwarts and she has one friend, ugly hair and a nickname she hasn't been able to shake since first year, but things are looking up for Ted, thanks to some meddling teens. AU.
1. Friends and Perversions

**A/N: Sooo, new story, I don't really have much to say about it. The title is my favourite Shakespeare play. Oh and Ted isn't a real transvestite. Remember to review please. Fixed a couple of pretty glaring errors, also if you would like a picture of what Ted looks like google: Talulah Riley Five Little Pigs and imagine without the scar and eye. Also for those who were wondering I am perfectly aware that Lily and James shouldn't be dating yet and that Sirius should be living with James, but this suits my story so buck up.**

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**Chapter 1: Friends and Perversions**

Teddy woke up on the Hogwarts train. Her face hurt, probably due to the fact that she'd been sleeping on it. She re-adjusted her position and tried to go to sleep again but there was a startling repetitive rapping noise that shook her awake again. She opened one bleary eye and glared towards the offending sound.

"Teddy get the fuck up and let me in!"

"Oh shit!" She hastened to the door and threw it open, on the other side was a very aggravated boy.

"Sorry Sirius, I fell asleep again."

"Bloody hell Ted, I've been standing out there for the last twenty minutes." He squeezed into the compartment and locked the door behind him. "Just leave it open if you have to sleep."

"Sorry." She mumbled, groggily rubbing her face, "thought you were with whatserface or the others."

"Lacy? I was with her, she was getting on my nerves. I tried coming here and you weren't answering the door so I went and sat with the other Marauders for a while but James won't shut up about his stupid bloody perfect holiday with his parents so I came here again. Why don't you ever get a proper night's sleep? You're worse than Moony, I swear if you're werewolf too just tell me now."

"I'm not a werewolf. I had a good book last night and then I felt like painting and then halfway through that I realised I hadn't packed yet so I had to stay up the rest of the night getting all my stuff and I'm pretty sure I still forgot like ten things," she finally took a breath, "do you have an extra potions textbook?"

"Damn it Ted, get your shit together, you're meant to be helping me get through potions. Slughorn hates me for not joining his boy scouts group."

"I will help!" Teddy announced, sitting up suddenly. "Just as soon as I discover where my textbook is." She slumped back into her chair. Sirius snorted.

"Right, how was your last week of hols anyway?"

Teddy frowned at the ceiling as she attempted to remember the last week. "I made a study of the Aldrovanda Vesiculosa and I slept quite a bit."

He grinned and shook his head. "You're such a nerd, how on Earth aren't you in Ravenclaw?"

She grinned back, "I'm too unconventional for them; they wouldn't know what to do with me."

Sirius wasn't really sure why he and Ted were friends, he normally avoided girls he wasn't interested in sleeping with. To start with he'd just wanted someone to do his homework for him. At the start of their first year she had followed him and the other Marauders around like a lost puppy, finally losing interest when it'd become obvious that she was never going to become one of them. Towards the end of the year he and the rest of the Marauders had pranked and teased Teddy – her curly brown was in a constant state of disarray, she wore thick rimmed glasses and old clothes she was at least two sizes too small for and she was constantly falling asleep in class or saying bizarre things. It hadn't been very effective, as most of the time she simply didn't notice what they'd done. In his third year Sirius had been paired with her for a potions project, she, of course, had done all the work, but while he'd sat around and watched her he'd found he didn't really mind being around her. She didn't ask incessant questions about his family or home life and didn't blabber on about hers either, which was a pleasant break, and she got them a top grade for the project. So he made sure he was paired with her for the next project and the one after that and before he knew it he was laughing at her odd jokes and listening to her rave about her latest obsession.

"What about you?" She asked him now, "How was you last week of hols?

He made a face that she smiled at. "Shite. My uncle took me on a hunting trip."

"But you hate hunting." She murmured around a yawn, her face propped up on her hand.

"Yeah which is why it was so incredibly- Ted are you falling asleep again?"

"Wha-huh? Yeah, sayitagain?" She responded drowsily.

He sighed, exasperated, so much for his one venting friend. Ted lived in an orphanage, which, as it turned out, was the one place in the world that might compete with the Black household for shittest place to be raised award, so she never gave him that pitying expression he hated so much when he needed to bitch about his family.

"Never mind, lie down." She flopped out obediently and Sirius fished his winter cloak and an extra set of robes out of his trunks. He took off her glasses and placed them on the table and spread the cloak out over her as a blanket. Finally he lifted her head up to shove the balled up robes underneath. He glanced at her as he arranged the robes; her eyes were open and she gazed up at him sleepily, her mouth twisted up in a lopsided grin.

"Aw is Siri playing mama bear?" She said softly.

He grinned back. "Careful or I'll spank you."

Her gaze wandered down his face contemplatively, coming to rest on his lips. "Promise?" She whispered barely audibly.

His heart thudded in his chest as if with new vigor for life, he leaned in and carefully brushed a curl from her face, filled with a sudden determination to kiss his old friend. BANNG! The door ricocheted off the wall as it was thrust open to reveal Remus' surprised face. Sirius leapt back from Ted and quickly threw himself down onto the other seat. Remus looked back and forth between their face;, Ted looked away and blushed. An awkward silence followed that Ted broke.

"Jeez what do you have to do around here to get a decent nap, Remus I'd think you of all people would understand the sanctity of one's napping time."

Sirius, who was watching her carefully, noticed she didn't look nearly as tired as she did five minutes ago.

Remus smiled and shrugged, obviously deciding to ignore the moment he'd witnessed.

"Sorry, couldn't take James repeating his in-depth analysis of the last triwizard tournament one more time. My quidditch limit has been reached."

"I'd gladly take that over his fifteenth recanting of his goal against his Turkish cousins. We should do an intervention, James is in desperate need of new stories."

James appeared behind Remus' shoulder.

"Why does everyone keep leaving?" He complained to Remus. "First Sirius runs off to find Ted and then you run off to find him and then Peter runs off to find the trolley lady."

Ted straightened up, and gave James a tight smile that he returned with a clipped nod. Sirius had noticed that the two didn't like each other; there was a certain stiffness in their manners that spoke to more than just awkwardness, but, although he'd questioned them several times, they had both denied it vehemently.

"Hello Ted," he asked now, with pained politeness, "how were your holidays?"

"Very good," she replied, although he knew for a fact that she'd spent the majority of her time avoiding a beating from both the Stalin-esque headmaster of her orphanage and some of the larger, meaner orphans.

"Well mine weren't," Remus announced as he sat down next to Teddy, "I stayed home, like always, and I think my furry little friend may have eaten some rats. Well, actually, I can't say that for sure, but before the full moon we had a bit of a rat problem in the basement and after there were no rats but I had a stomach ache and a very bad taste in my mouth."

Ted laughed. "Not to your taste, Moony? You should teach your other half to barbecue, I hear they're all the rage in China."

He made a face. "You're hilarious, really."

"Do you think you swallowed them bones and all?" James asked fascinated, throwing himself down opposite Remus. "Don't you ever have a problem processing the bones of things you've eaten once you change back? Do you suppose maybe you have some type of super-werewolf digestive system that allows you to eat rodents and roadkill and such?"

"James please," Remus said, looking queasy, "I ate like ten minutes ago, can we not discuss this?"

"Speaking of which," Teddy interrupted, "Padfoot, do you have food? I'm famished. I could eat an entire horse right now, or at least a tofu replica of one."

Just like that the awkward moment was forgotten and they were back to their old pattern. Sirius fished a cold toasted cheese sandwich out of his pack and tossed it to her.

"You know if I keep on getting food for you my family's going to think I'm becoming vegetarian and I'm sure that'll go off like Hitler in a synagogue. What do I look like, a charity for lazy orphans?"

Teddy clasped her hands together. "Please sir, may I have some more?"

He dug around his bag until he found the package of nuts he'd put in there. "Damn herbivores," he said throwing it to her, "I don't understand how you survive on such meager offerings. On that note, I've been meaning to ask you James, what happens if you eat venison? I mean I'm hardly likely to be offered dog anytime soon and unless he gets turned into a werewolf Peter's not going to be eating rat, Moony's not likely to eat his own until they start putting werewolves on the menu and Ted's a vegetarian but you are in constant danger of becoming a cannibal."

"I know," James' expression grew haunted, "mum served it once. I thought it was beef. I ate three bites before I found out, I still have nightmares." He finished with a shudder.

They were interrupted by the appearance of Lily at the door.

"James! Sorry! Amelia got dumped by that French boy she's been dating, she needed serious venting time. How were your holidays hun?"

James leapt out of his seat, his face lit up like a Christmas light, and gave her a peck on the lips.

"So good, wait until I tell you about my holiday, I scored this wicked goal against my Turkish cousins."

"Out!" Sirius and Remus yelled in unison. Lily laughed and obediently drew James out of the compartment; he flipped them off on the way out.

Sirius glanced over at Ted and caught an odd look on her face as she watched Lily and James leave hand in hand; she caught his eye and grinned.

"Bambi the red nosed cannibal," she sung cheerfully, Sirius laughed. There was an awkward pause after as Remus glanced curiously between them. He cleared his throat, "I should go, check in with the other prefects you know."

"Uh, yeah I should go too, ah Lacy's probably looking for me."

Ted nodded silently and watched them leave.

"Okay what was that about?" Remus asked once they were back in their original compartment.

"What do you mean?" Sirius answered blandly.

Remus snorted, "Yeah sure, like you don't know, if I'd given you five more minutes with her you would've needed a contraceptive charm."

"I'm not going to sleep with her." Sirius answered indignantly, "she's my friend, and you know, she's Ted."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, you know, she'd not hideous or deformed or anything but she's definitely not a Lily or a Lacy."

Remus shrugged, "Lacy's a twit and Lily hates you."

Sirius gave Remus a look, "I still have standards Remus, drop it." He stood up abruptly, "I'm done with this, I'm going to go and find Lacy."

Remus sat in the compartment by himself until James returned with Peter in tow. They both carried a parcel of sweets from the trolley.

"Whatswong?" Peter garbled out around a mouthful of sweets.

"Just thinking, did Lily ditch you, James?"

"Yeah if any more of her friends have crisis's I'm going to call an intervention. What's up with you? You have Remus face." James' charming way of saying Remus looked thoughtful.

"Have you ever thought about Teddy and Sirius?" Remus asked as James and Peter slumped down.

"Yeah all the time, it's fricking weird, why can't he find someone else to hang out with? What do they even talk about?"

"No, I mean as a couple." Remus almost laughed at James' dumbfounded expression, James did laugh.

"What, no, come on Remus, you can't be serious, Padfoot and Ted the Tranny?"

Peter snickered at that. "Remember how we use to joke she was hiding a set of family jewels under all those baggy clothes?"

"Are you still calling her that?" Remus asked, ignoring Peter's comment, "Don't let Sirius hear you and she's not that unfortunate."

"Whatever Moony, anyway Lily wants to see you, some prefect thing."

"Yes, Lily!" Remus said with jubilation. "I'll see you later." Remus called as he trotted out.

Ted set down her book for the third time in the last five minutes. Somehow the compartment seemed empty, lonely now. Normally she was fine with solitude, thrived on it even but lately she'd started to notice there was a difference between being alone and being left alone. Before Sirius and the others had come the compartment had seemed peaceful but now there was a yawning emptiness there that seemed in danger of swallowing her. She picked up her book and read the same sentence again; she still had no idea what it said. Frustrated she tossed it back down. He'd left his cloak and robe in the compartment; she should go give it back to him. It wasn't like with James, she was Sirius' friend too, there was no reason that she couldn't go see him. With renewed determination she picked up his clothes and made her way into the corridor. She came to the Marauder's compartment, the curtains over the glass door were open and James and Peter were inside, laughing and eating, which meant that Sirius must be with Lacy. Ted paused there indecisively, unsure if she wanted to continue and find Sirius and Lacy together. She shook it off, she and Sirius were just friends; she was just returning some of his things and besides, Lacy almost always sat towards the front of the train with all her other Hufflepuff friends so it wasn't like she'd be interrupting them alone. She checked all the compartments but the first to the left; unthinkingly she yanked the door open.  
"Shit! Sorry!" She slammed the door shut again. Lacy must have ditched her Hufflepuff buddies because they had been very much alone and Lacy had been straddling a half naked Sirius. She closed her eyes, wishing she could unsee her best friend half-naked.

The door opened again and Sirius came out, shrugging on a shirt.

"Damn I'm so sorry Sirius, I didn't mean to ah, that is, you forgot your stuff." She shoved his cloak and robe back into his hands. He laughed.

"It's fine Ted," he touched her burning cheek, "seriously chill out, it's not a big deal, I'll see you later, okay?" She nodded silently, he bent to give her a kiss on the cheek and the door creaked open. Lacy took one look at them and whirled back inside, her outrage evident.

"Lacy." Sirius said as he followed her back into the compartment, his voice exasperated. Ted turned to hurry away. As she did her foot hit something that clinked against the hall wall. Leaning down she plucked it out of the carpet. It was the silver clasp from Sirius' cloak, two wolf heads touching at the nose. She turned back to his compartment but paused outside the door; she should give it to him later. She was about to turn back when she heard Lacy through the door.

"I don't want to calm down! You ignore me for the entire summer and then ditch me at every opportunity for that freak."

"Lacy, nothing is going on between me and Ted, we're just friends," his voice lowered, "come on Lacy, be serious, me and Ted the Tranny?"

Ted felt her stomach drop and her eyes well up at the use of her old moniker.

"Oh yeah well I have news for you," Lacy spat spitefully, "your little hermaphrodite buddy looks at you like she's already planning the wedding. Ted the Tranny's in love with you and maybe you like it, maybe you have some kind of sick fetish and that's why you've been ignoring me all summer."

"Lacy-" Sirius began in a low voice but Lacy interrupted him, her voice hysterically high.

"Forget it, you can have your freak, we're though!" Before Ted could move, the door was jerked open and for the third time that day she was confronted with Lacy's surprised face.

"Oh look, the bride in waiting." She said with a bitter little smirk in Sirius' direction before storming off. Sirius met her eyes.

"Ted, I-" She didn't hear the rest of what he had to say because she turned around and ran all the way back to her compartment.

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**A/N: Well that was fun. I'm all done with the next chapter and might upload it in the next few hours, _provided_ I get some reviews, otherwise maybe in a few days. Extortion makes me smile :).**


	2. Names and Regulations

**Chapter 2: Names and Regulations**

"Why would I want to help Theodora Moore?"

Lily stared uncompromisingly across at Remus; he opened his hands in a placating gesture.

"Just hear me out. First of all, she's a good person, nice and she's had a bit of a hard time the last few years."

"Remus, she was practically in love with my boyfriend, my feelings towards her are not particularly generous."

"In first year! We were all idiots in first year and half the girls in our grade had a thing for James, besides hasn't she sort of paid for that? It's not like James let her down very gently."

"Then it's James' responsibility to help her."

"You and I both know that James isn't going to do that."

"Why the hell not?"

Remus paused for a moment as he thought about his answer. "Look, it's like this, James can't help her or even really be nice to her because that would be tantamount to admitting that he shouldn't have been cruel in the first place and if he admits that then he knows that he'll have to admit he was wrong to do it to all the others as well and I don't think that James is quite ready for that."

Lily sighed, knowing he was right.

"If that's not incentive enough for you, consider this. In ten years you and James might be married with kids and do you really uncle Padfoot babysitting the kids with Lacy Watkins?"

Lily shuddered at the thought. Lacy was the sort of girl who had never bothered to have a personality because boys never looked past her tits anyway.

"Alright I'll-" She was interrupted by the sound of running footsteps in the corridor. She stuck her head out and narrowly missed smashing into Teddy as she ran past.

"What the-"

"Ted! Wait!"

Lily and Remus watched as Ted reached her compartment door just in time to slam it in Sirius' face.

"Crap." Lily said.

"I second that," Remus agreed, "our plan just got a lot more complicated."

"Ted open up!" Sirius yelled, banging on the door. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to say that, I was just being a prick, please let me in?" He stopped banging on the door and leaned his head against it. He imagined her crying on the other side and cursed softly.

"Girl problems Sirius?" He looked up to see Lily and Remus with their heads poked out of a nearby compartment. He sighed and trudged towards them, Ted wasn't opening the door anytime soon.

"Girls are problems. And Ted isn't even meant to be a girl girl, I mean she's a girl girl but she's not MY girl, she's a mate, you know?"

"Not really but sit down." Remus said, sitting back.

"What did you do?" Lily demanded as he flopped back on the seat.

"I…" He gestured wordlessly towards the corridor.

"Sirius, your gift of communication leaves me speechless." Remus said dryly.

"Lacy caught me kissing Ted," Remus sat up with a smile, "_on the cheek_, and for some reason flipped the fuck out. I was just trying to calm her down so I said there was no way I'd be with Ted the- well, you know."

"Ted the tranny." Remus finished grimly.

"Yeah," Sirius rubbed the back of his head, "anyway Ted overheard and now she's pissed at me too."

"And you came after Ted," Remus said with a significant glance at Lily, "interesting."

"Yeah, shit I'm an asshole."

"No denying that, but you're in luck Black because I'm feeling generous today. I will go talk to her but only if you promise to leave us alone for a while." Lily said as she approached the door.

"You'll talk to her? And convince her to talk to me?"

"Sure," Lily said with a smile, "that's what I'll do."

Ted wiped her face; she was being stupid. Of course Sirius had called he Ted the Tranny, everyone did, they had probably never stopped she had just fooled herself into believing they had. There was a knock at the door.

"Go _away _Sirius." She moaned.

"It's not Sirius, it's Lily. I'm here to help, let me in."

Ted stared blankly at the door, as far as she knew Lily hated her so what the hell was she doing here? She thought about it for a couple of minutes and kept drawing a blank. Eventually curiosity pushed her into unlocking the door. Lily swept in and swiftly locked the door behind her.

"There, that wasn't so hard was it?"

"Why are you here?"

"Sit down," once Ted was seated opposite Lily she took a deep breath. "Look Ted, you can't keep going like this, it's making you miserable and it's not getting any better. You can hide out as much as you like but unless you change people are going to keep calling you Ted the Tranny behind your back."

Ted thought about that for a minute, it made sense. When scientists created experiments they didn't merely repeat the same tests over and over again expecting different results, they changed variables so that the results would change.

"Okay, but why do _you_ want to help me?"

"Because in fifty years I don't want to be staring across the table at Lacy Watkins."

"What?"

Lily sighed, "Look maybe I'm wrong about this but I think that you have feelings for Sirius Black and I think maybe those feelings are reciprocated by Sirius, even if neither of you know it now."

Ted opened her mouth to argue but Lily held up her hand. "If I'm wrong then where's the harm? At least you'll have tried something new."

Ted closed her mouth and thought about that. "Okay," she said eventually, "what do I have to do?"

"I have one rule that you absolutely, under no circumstances, are allowed to break."

"What is it?"

"You are not allowed to speak to Sirius Black. I mean it Ted. Not. A. Word."

"Why?"

"Because men are like dogs, in Sirius case quite literally, they want the toys that you make them run for, not the ones you just give to them. Alright, next on the list you need to have other friends, you need to show Sirius that your not going to mope around after him lapping up any spare bits of attention he feels like throwing your way. This is the easiest to fix. From now on, I am your best friend."

"You don't even like me."

"No, not really but lots of girl friends don't like each other. You will hang out with my group in classes, at lunchtime and in the common room. Okay third and final on my list, every single person must stop calling you Ted the Tranny. Seriously, that has to go. In fact we should just do away with the entire Ted thing, way too masculine."

"Well what am I suppose to call myself? Marguerite? That makes a lot of sense."

"Don't sass me." Lily said in a perfect impression of a middle school teacher, complete with the finger of shame. "Your name is Theo from now on, you will refer to and introduce yourself as such. If someone refers to you as Ted the Tranny, Ted, Teddy or even Theodora you will simply not respond. If they keep on calling you that just give them a confused look and introduce yourself to them like they're incredibly slow and can't work out your name."

"Theo." She sounded it out experimentally. She didn't mind it. "But it's not like they call me Ted the Tranny to my face, so won't they just keep calling me that behind my back?"

"No, because we're going to show them a new side of Theodora Moore, no one will question whether you're a girl after I'm done." She rubbed her hands together with a gleeful and sinister expression.

The rest of the trip passed surprisingly fast. Lily had a kind of quick, sharp wit that made conversation with her easy and enjoyable. When they arrived at the station Lily calmly ushered Theo into a carriage with three of her friends. "This is Theo," Lily said, as if they all hadn't been sharing classes, and in the case of the other Gryffindor girl, dorm rooms, for the last five years, "she'll be hanging out with us from now on." She announced with calm authority. The other three girls - Amelia, Gabrielle and Sophie, all gaped at Theo like she'd grown a second head but none of them argued with Lily.

Sirius craned his head, trying to spot Ted's messy hair between the crowds of students. He was standing on his seat to get a better look. At last he spotted her milling behind Lily and some of her friends. "Ted! Ted! Over here!" She looked up and caught his gaze over the crowd; he waved, beckoning her over to the spare seat on his other side. She looked down and away and then quietly went and sat down beside Lily at the other end of the table. Sirius felt his heart drop as he slumped back down onto his seat. So much for Lily talking her into speaking to him. The meal seamed to last forever, he kept trying to catch Ted's eye but she stubbornly kept her gaze glued to the potatoes she was shuffling around her plate but not really eating. When Dumbledore finally bid them goodnight Sirius leapt up from his seat, determined to catch Ted on her way back to the common room. It was difficult to maneuver his way between the throngs of excited first years so he didn't catch up to her until they were on their way up the stairs.

"Ted, wait!" She paused two steps above him but didn't turn around. At the top of the flight Lily stared down at them ferociously.

"Theo!" She called with a note of warning in her voice. When Ted still didn't turn around Sirius gently grasped her wrist and tugged. She slowly turned, her gaze still cast away.

"Ted," he used his softest, warmest voice, the one reserved for coaxing baby animals out of hidey-holes and used two fingers to tilt her chin up so she was forced to look at him, then he brought out the big guns. He pulled his eyebrows in just a little and gave her his perfect human interpretation of sad puppy dog eyes, "please just give me a chance to apologise." He could see her willpower slowly crumbling and sensed victory on the horizon.

"Theo!" Lily yelled again, Ted turned back to her for a second but glanced quickly back at Sirius.

"Five minutes, Sirius, that's it."

He heard Lily shout something at Ted as he carted her away but he wasn't listening, he did pause to turn her a betrayed look though, clearly Lily had turned to the dark side and done exactly the opposite of what he'd asked her. He carted Ted into an empty classroom and closed the door behind them.

"Why is Lily calling you Theo?"

"It's my new nickname." She murmured.

He smiled and touched her cheek. "You'll always be Ted to me."

She pushed her hands deeper into her pockets and observed him belligerently. "Ted the tranny?"

His smile dropped. "Ted you know I was just trying to calm Lacy down, I never would have said it if I knew you were listening, I would never want to hurt you and I'm so sorry that I did." He drew her hand out of her pocket and tried to grasp it but she slipped it out from between his palms and pushed it back into her pocket.

"I know," she murmured, staring at the ground. There was a long silence as he waited for her to say something, to forgive him.

"It was you that thought it up, wasn't it?" He drew in a sharp breath as she looked up and caught him square in the eye. She didn't look angry or even betrayed, just sort of resigned.

"No, it wasn't me," he answered slowly and carefully.

"One of the other Marauders? Peter or James? Yeah, probably James." She looked down and nudged at a dust bunny with her toe. "Why?"

Sirius had always known deep down that he'd have to answer this question but right now he felt lost for a good explanation. He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to think of an explanation that didn't make him look like an asshole. "We were young and stupid and bored and you," he gestured at her clothes, "you were odd and your clothes were way too big." Ted picked at her sleeve and nodded.

"We're not allowed to buy new clothes very often, at the orphanage you know, and I thought I would grow more than this." He smiled a little at the top of her head, which barely reached the middle of his chest. "You're a perfect Ted height if you ask me."

She nodded but didn't smile. "Yeah, I think that's the problem." She quietly turned to leave but paused at the door. "Oh and it's Theo now by the way."

Theo walked quietly back to the stairs on her own, Sirius didn't follow. Lily was still waiting for her at the top of the stairs. She didn't say anything as Theo walked up the stairs but her nostrils were flaring.

"One day," she said in a voice that quivered with suppressed rage, "one day and you've already broken my number one rule? What was that rule again? Oh that's right. Don't. Talk. To. Black. And what do you do? Waltz off to have a little tete-a-tete with him. Was the rule just too complicated to follow? Did I not make myself clear? Did I say oh don't talk to Black unless he really wants you to, or he needs socks, or he flashes you his puppy dog eyes. No I believe my words were don't talk to Black under ANY circumstances…"

And she continued on with her tirade all the way back to the girls' dormitory.

The next day was odd. No one was quite sure how to deal with Theo being accepted into Lily's group. Lacy cast her evil glances, Sirius kept trying to talk to her only to be intercepted by Lily and the other girls in Lily's group just stared at her when Lily wasn't looking. Theo had her last period off so Lily carted her back to the girl's dormitory. Inside, Sophie and Natalie, both friends of Lily's, were the only ones in the room.

"So what's this all about?" Sophie piped up after Theo had obediently taken her seat.

"I have gathered you here so that we can embark on a special and secret mission. A mission impossible really. Tonight, as everyone but Theo no doubt knows, is the Marrielle's Annual Masquerade to celebrate the start of the academic year."

Even Theo had heard of the Marrielle's party, a mix between a high class society function and a frat party. Essentially a wild, bacchanalian bash in the regal surroundings of the Marrielle Manor with all the guests dressed in black tie and masks.

"It is," Lily continued, "the perfect place to unveil the new Theo. We are going to take this girl and turn her into a star. Think Victoria's Secret only vastly more attractive." Natalie threw Theo a sceptical glance as Lily rubbed her hand together and grinned like she was the cat that got the cream. "It's time for my favourite word girls. Makeover!"


	3. Introductions and Flirtations

**A/N: In both a historically and canonically anachronistic change I have given all Hogwarts students mobiles. Deal with it. Or don't, it's not really my problem. Please see my profile for links to pics of the before and after makeover, her dress etc.**

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**Chapter 3: Introductions and Flirtations**

The process of Theo's makeover had been going on for a total of three hours now. To start with Lily had used a charm spell to lighten her mousy brown hair to pale blonde. She'd then given Theo a bottle of shampoo, two bottles of conditioner and some type of deep cleansing treatment as well as many multiple body scrubs, washes, butters and things she didn't even have names for and sent her off to the shower. By the time she climbed out she felt as if an entire layer of her skin had been sloughed off. After that there had been the plucking and waxing, the cleansing and moisturising and then a thick mud mask. Now Theo had finally been given permission to take the cucumbers off her eyes.

"Holy mother of God!" She gasped.

Sophie stood directly in front of Theo with a pair of very sharp scissors in one hand, a razor blade in the other and a sinister smile on her face.

"Okay if this was all part of some bizarre ritual where you clean and pluck me before serving me up to a pagan god please tell me because Sophie looks like she's escaped straight out of a Sweeney Todd musical, she's scaring the bejesus out of me." Lily laughed as she spread a towel around Theo's neck.

"Don't be silly, Sophie's just going to cut your hair."

"Cut my hair?" Theo asked sceptically, "Has she done this before?"

"Of course," Lily answered with a wave of her hands, "she trims my bangs all the time and, no offence honey, but it's not like she can really make it worse."

Theo imagined herself with a bald spot and a couple of random chunks of hair and silently disagreed but didn't argue. She'd learned over the last four hours that one did not argue with Lily. Ever. Sophie seemed fairly confident as she hacked chunks of hair off and went to town thinning out her hair but Theo had no idea whether it was a disaster or not as Lily wouldn't let her near a mirror. Finally they rolled her hair up into hot curlers. As they quietly singed her scalp Theo spoke up.

"This is nice but I don't have an invitation to the Marrielle's, won't they have security to stop gate crashers?"

Lily plopped a piece of paper into her lap. Earlier Lily had forced her into trying contact lenses, it turned out there was no magical cure for glasses but Lily did know a charm to help get the contacts in, so when Theo picked up the paper she could read it. It was an invitation addressed to Theodora Moore.

"I talked to them last night." Lily informed her.

"And they agreed just like that?"

"Sure, but if anyone asks you're the daughter of a rich reclusive Russian wizard and your on holiday from your French school, you can do a French accent right?"

"Uh, not really."

"Oh well, I told them you were a bit of a jetsetter so it shouldn't matter too much if your accent's a bit muddled."

"Okay, but what am I going to wear? Can I borrow one of your old dresses?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Lily answered with a wave of her hand. "I'm not going to force you into one of my old cast-offs. There's a lovely little boutique in Hogsmeade that sells designer evening gowns, I sent a third year down there today to collect a selection for us to choose from."

"But I can't affor-"

"Don't worry," Lily cut her off, "it won't cost you a cent."

"Oh Lily no, absolutely not, I can not let you buy me an expensive dress."

"Good," Lily answered, "Because I'm not. Sirius is."

"What?"

"The Blacks have a family account at the store, I told them to charge the cost to that. Sirius' family will just assume he was buying his new girlfriend a present and take it out of his vast allowance. Considerate it recompense for the tranny comment, and for doing his essays, and for putting up with his idiot girlfriends. Really that boy's owed you one for a while now and he probably won't even notice it gone."

Theo would have argued more but there was a knock at the door.

"Oh speak of the devil, that's probably Claire and Natalie with the dresses now." She opened the door to Natalie and Claire, a third year Gryffindor.

The protests died in Theo's throat at the sight of the gowns. Long, silk, unbearably graceful, Theo couldn't even imagine herself in one. Lily had the girls lay them out on the beds so she could peruse them. Theo tried them all on one by one while the girls lay on their beds and commented on them. The last one she had to try on was a red dress made of simple red chiffon, the v-neck cut was much deeper than Theo was comfortable with but Lily smacked her hand when she tried to adjust it.

"Perfect!" She announced. "Who would've guessed you were hiding cleavage under all those robes." Theo's opinion of the dress was somewhat hampered by the fact that she still hadn't been allowed near a mirror.

"Now the theme is military veterans so we'll pin some little medals and badges and braid on the dress and I have a matador-style jacket that will go perfectly with the dress and some red strappy heels and I think instead of a traditional mask we should just go with a strip of lace, that'll be cute."

"Shouldn't you be, I don't know, teaching me correct mannerisms or something?" Theo asked as Lily started in on her makeup. Lily snorted.

"This isn't My Fair Lady, you're going to be around rich, useless and beautiful people all night, they're going to be impressed enough that your pretty and actually have a personality." She worked quietly for a few more minutes.

"There, I'm done. Alright now close your eyes and no peeking, I want you to get the full effect." Theo obediently closed her eyes as Lily led her over to the full-length mirror they'd had covered up with a sheet for the entire makeover.

"Ta-dah!" Theo opened her eyes as Lily whipped the sheet off the mirror.

She reached a hand up to touch her face. She didn't recognise herself. Where her frizzy hair had been there were long blonde waves ending in big Hollywood curls. The dress was daring, the V-neck exposing cleavage she didn't realise she had and clasping in at the waist to give her the perfect hourglass figure before flowing elegantly to the floor.

"Oh my god," Lily murmured, sounding a tad tearful, "I am just such a genius."

Sirius lay on his back staring morosely at the dormitory ceiling.

"Get up!" James kicked him in the leg. "Come on Sirius, stop being such a wet blanket. You love the Marrielle's party, drunk girls in pretty dresses, what's not to love?"

"I'm not going James." Sirius answered firmly for the fourth time.

"You talk to him Remus, he's being stubborn. I'm going to take a shower." Remus turned from adjusting his cufflinks.

"Sirius get up and get dressed, there's no way I'm letting you stay home. I'm not going to spend the whole night playing third wheel with Lily and James whilst Peter scoffs pastries."

"Not my problem Moony."

Remus sighed, "Theo's still not talking to you I gather?"

Sirius sat up and shook his head. "I can't even get close to her, Lily's always there."

"Well," Remus answered thoughtfully, "I imagine Lily might have one or two other things to do at the Marrielle's party, maybe you can talk to her there?"

"Why would Ted be at the Marrielle's party?" He asked bewildered and then zeroed in on Remus' too innocent expression. "What have you heard?" He demanded. Remus grinned.

"A little birdy might have told me that Theo will be there, and Sirius if you want to make it back into her good graces calling her by her new nickname might be a good way to start."

"Fine Theo, and what's Theo doing going to the Marrielle's party?" Quietly he didn't want her to go at all. He imagined the other guests, dressed to the nines in top designers staring at Theo's old clothes and awkward looks, as she stood alone in a corner. He couldn't let that happen. Remus sighed and then explained everything, when he was done Sirius stood up.

"Alright I'm going, everyone wait while I get dressed." He announced as he threw open his closet.

Twenty minutes later they were sneaking out the fourth floor passage with a group of students who had been invited. They took a carriage from Hogsmeade to the Marrielle's. The Marrielle's Manor house was a vast complex constructed in the Victorian era and inspired by the palaces and estates of Russian nobility. In the front yard champagne flowed out of a six-foot high three-tier fountain and peacocks, disturbed by the festivities, flapped their way to new roosting spots. Sirius wore a black tux with silver military style braid on the jacket and, as it was a masquerade, a plain black domino across his face. When they arrived he and his friends were led through to a grand ballroom by a butler in a white mask. Sirius' refusal to go had delayed them for some time so the ballroom was already full of people and the party in full swing. James quickly broke off to go and search for Lily and Remus went in search of refreshments with Peter in tow. Sirius made his way up a flight of stairs to get a better view of the room. From his perch he could see almost everyone. James stood with Lily in a corner of the room, two of her friends with them. After staring at them for a while he identified them as Natalie and Sophie. Perhaps she hadn't come after all. After another cursory look around the room he decided that must be the case. Part relieved and part disappointed he made his way to the bar.

"Whisky, neat please." He ordered.

"Sirius, is that you?" He turned at the deep voice behind him. He was greeted by a tall man in a gold mask.

"Jackson!" He yelled, surprised to see his old friend there. Jackson's family, the Devons were another old family very closely linked to the Blacks making them distant cousins. They had bonded at family parties and gatherings over their mutual hatred of their relatives.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he embraced Jackson and clapped him on the back. Jackson lived in Scotland but had been sent to school at Durmstrang.

"I graduated last year, don't you remember? I thought I'd finally come and attend the famous Marrielle house party and I have to say I'm glad I did, I've met the most extraordinary girl. Actually she's waiting for me over there." He gestured behind him and Sirius leaned around him to get a gander at the blonde seated elegantly at a stool by the window, even from this distance he could tell she was pretty. He grinned and slapped Jackson on the shoulder.

"You're the same as ever you old dog."

"No I'm serious about this, I want to find someone, you know, I want what James has with Lily."

Sirius looked at Lily and James lounging on a sofa in the corner, James had a little umbrella stuck behind his ear and was sipping from Lily's girly cocktail, they were both laughing. He suddenly knew exactly what Jackson meant.

Jackson turned to lean back against the bar and look at the girl he'd left sitting in the corner. "She's nice, the girl I mean, a bit awkward but sweet, you know?"

Sirius grinned. "Good, I'm seriously happy for you Jackson."

Jackson grinned back. "Come on, I'll introduce you." He said picking up the two drinks he'd been carrying. Sirius picked up his own drink and followed Jackson back to the table. As they got near the table the girl slipped out of her seat to greet them, wobbling in her stilettos a little. Sirius watched Jackson carefully as they came up to the girl; his expression was peaceful in a way Black hadn't really seen before.

"Sorry I was so long, I ran into an old friend, I'd like to introduce you to Sirius Black, Sirius-"

"We've met actually." The girl interrupted softly.

Sirius turned to look at the girl properly for the first time. Soft blonde curls, an hourglass figure accentuated by the red dress she wore and eyes hidden behind a strip of lace acting as a mask. None of that was familiar to him but his eyes locked onto her mouth, he'd recognise those lips anywhere.

"Ted." His voice came out flat, disbelieving.

"Ted?" Jackson asked as he turned to her. "Surely you can not be the Ted I have heard so much about over the years, my dear friend's dear friend Ted?"

Her lips turned up at his theatrics. "I go by Theo now actually." Jackson gasped and grabbed both of her hands. "I have heard so much about you I feel as though I am meeting an old friend so even though we have already met I feel as though I must introduce myself again. I am Jackson Devon, and you are the highly regarded Ted who now goes by Theo and who got my rascal cousin through the last several years of his academic career. I can't thank you enough." He brought her hands up to his face and kissed the back of one hand, Theo laughed. Sirius cleared his throat, feeling as though he'd been dropped into some weird upside down little world.

"Ah me and Jackson are distant cousins, we met at a family reunion." He mumbled.

"Yes I see the family resemblance." Theo replied dryly. Jackson and he could not differ much more in looks, Jackson was stockier than Sirius and where Sirius had long black hair Jackson's was cropped, curly and blonde.

Jackson laughed as he settled into a stool opposite Theo, not seeing many other options Sirius pulled up a chair.

"So you were just telling me about your work on the, what was it again?"

"Ah the Aldrovanda Vesiculosa." Theo answered, self consciously adjusting her lace mask.

Theo was suddenly feeling very awkward and she wasn't quite sure why. When they had first arrived Lily had ordered her to talk to any man that wasn't Sirius Black. Theo had stumbled through awkward sentences with strange men who eventually left her standing there after staring at her like she was socially retarded. Then she had met Jackson and it hadn't seemed so hard, Jackson was so charming he seemed to take all the work out of the conversation. But now Sirius was here and she felt self-conscious about her new look, she kept on having to resist the urge to tug up her neckline. What did he think of her new look? Did he think she was being stupid? Fake? She glanced across at him and lost her train of thought. They were both looking at her expectantly. She blushed.

"Ah, what was I saying?"

"You were about to enchant us with your experiments on Aldrovanda Vesiculosa." Jackson provided promptly.

"Bore you is more like." Theo murmured, feeling her face get hotter. Why couldn't this be easier?

"You could never be boring." Sirius said, more vehemently than was necessary. Great, now her face felt like it was on fire.

"Ah it's really hot in here," she said, suddenly desperate to get away from them and the awkwardness; she winced at how squeaky her voice sounded, "I'm going to go outside for a minute, get a breath of fresh air."

"Oh, well we'll accompany you." Jackson said courteously as they both rose from their chairs.

"No!" Theo said a little too violently. "Ah no, I mean I'm sure you have a lot to catch up on, I'll just be a minute, you two just…" She trailed off and just waved her hands at them both then turned around and walked out as fast as she could on her giant needle thin stilettos.

"That was odd." Jackson said as soon as Theo had gotten out of earshot.

"Yeah, do you mind if I go and talk to her? I'll be just a minute."

"No by all means go ahead." Jackson answered easily, taking a sip of his drink. Taking Theo's forgotten glass he headed out after her. He found her leaning against a tree at the far end of a wide lawn, staring up at the night sky.

"You'll mess up your new pretty hair if you do that." She started in surprise and almost knocked the glass he held out of his hand, he yanked it back just in time.

"Easy there." He said handing her the glass.

"What?" She asked looking at him with a bewildered expression. He smiled and leaned in to pluck a piece of bark from her hair, he held it up to her.

"See?"

"Oh," She blushed, looking down. "You like it then? The new look?" She asked, still examining her toes. Sirius didn't answer, as answering would mean he would have to vocalise his deep appreciation for the gown she was wearing and it's revealing neckline.

"What are you doing Theo?" He asked instead, moving a little closer. "Flirting with Jackson I mean."

"Is that what we were doing?" She asked in an unsure voice, glancing up and seeming surprised to find him so close. He leaned in closer and put a hand on the tree behind her, he felt his lips twitch up.

"If you need someone to flirt with," he murmured, his voice a full octave lower than usual, "than it should be me." He leaned down a little more until their noses were almost brushing.

"Theo! There you are." Sirius jumped at the sharp voice and turned to find Lily standing a couple of meters behind them smiling smugly. He gave her a dirty look that she returned in full measure.

"Come along honey." Lily said to Theo who obediently stumbled towards her giving Sirius a confused look. "Was that Jackson Devon I saw you talking to? Good work, he's cute you should go back to him."

"Okay," Theo mumbled, shooting Sirius one last look, he kept his expression blank. He went to follow her but Lily stopped him with a hand and a fierce expression.

"No. I want to know what you think you're doing."

"You can drop the act Lily. Remus fessed up. I know that you're trying to set me and Theo up and let me tell you, at the moment, with her in that dress, I heartily approve."

"No."

"No?" Sirius asked.

"No. Yes. I mean maybe to start with but I like Theo. I really didn't think I would with the whole James thing but I do."

James thing? What James thing? Sirius quietly wondered.

"And I've seen how you are with women Sirius," Lily continued, "you use them when they're useful to you, so what I'm asking is what do you think you're doing with Theo? Are you serious about her?"

Sirius opened his mouth but couldn't answer.

"Because until you can answer that question with total certainty I don't think you should be around her, I don't think you should be flirting with her. You'll ruin your friendship with her and you'll break her heart. Are you listening to me? You will _break _Theo's heart. And you'll regret it because she's your friend and you care for her but that's something you'll never be able to fix."

Sirius stepped back, totally silenced.

The rest of the night was a blur for Theo. Sirius didn't return to the table. She chatted for a few more minutes with Jackson before he had to leave. He left her with his phone number and a request to meet him in Hogsmeade sometime. When they got back to the girls dormitory Theo opened up her trunk to get changed into her pyjamas. All her old clothes were gone. An entirely new and much more daring wardrobe was inside.

"We all pitched in and got you a new wardrobe," Lily informed her, "you can protest all you want but we burned your other clothes so it's not like you have much of a choice." Theo laughed and decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. She changed into her new skimpy babydoll nightie and sank back into bed. The night's events flashed before her eyes. Her new look. Jackson smiling at her. Eventually she fell asleep to the memory of how Sirius' eyes had looked as he'd leaned over her.

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**A/N: See how nice I am, a long chapter less than 24 hours after my last. I am capable of being nice in return for reviews.**


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